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Elevator Music, Vol. 1

by Pan Amsterdam

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1.
Open Mic Eagle’s claw Mr Shin no knee caps Marie was like he chose steak over Neo So did he really take cake, the dog barks leaving no marks Calvin’s got a job but mine is at the golden arch I’m washing lettuce soon I’ll be on fries infiltrate your enterprise laundering your franchise Stop comparing the Macs and the mix they both all beef patty special sauce you’ll be loving it Real quick got your soul searching for status caught in the glitch Up in the shire with Bilbo, Baggins with gracefully aged female elves, no Frodo New category recommended yo gotta watch is on a different sever Firefox not Chrome Open Mike: Soft pants and Nice sized sandals Short shelf life like the ipod nano No guns no bodyguard ammo was raised on the indy’s like Johnny Gargano? I got the weed face as beat as the sweepstakes masked baby face its been in a knee brace The size and shape and sleep in a briefcase I teach great but don’t like prep and think a new thought every point 0 5 seconds Small talk blows my brain to high heaven as crazy as OakTown’s 357 As busy as the bars on the Cadilllac brougham tinted too drive slow and hold with both hands Pan Am: David Lopan peasant magic Aztec chin Parallel hands cause static, it beings, up for grabs, a turban on my Punjab, I stay protected so my wifey stays invested thin escape on a white horse mistaken for Falcor fitting cause the next day I saw The Nothing Brain blizzards and snow flurries Stay in the courses if I'm Mister New York with no worries Almost dyin' then walk home with diamonds on the soles of my shoes Like Paul Simon with an African crew Open Mike Eagle I'm accidentally fashionable Phone cameras on, my pants are bought off of Amazon I'm sorry, boots, slide through the party cute I'm at the barbecue drooling like Marmaduke Or more like Clifford Ate an apple to the core to absorb my liquor Southside raised avoid Northsidewiggas Don't even wanna say that, but that's what it was Take your shoes off you're tracking in mud Make plans, make money, make passionate love Brown skin but I'm blacker the blood and brain pattern Do us and rich folk even have the same Saturn? My telescope can only focus on the hella broke
2.
Two scratchers, Beef jerky, and a Power Ball I paint self hate portraits in acrylic, Since pedophiles think I'm not photogenic So cook up what you want in your burnt out skillet, Just know I do hunt and do know how to kill it You think you get the cow from the milk, the worm from the silk, The friggin' slave from the quilt Put food on my table one day but mad 'cause I didn't offer you lemonade from lemons, planted by Lady Day Strange fruit hangin, dead your syringe, Distorted guitars make white soul djs cringe Pan Am's plasma makes hair on heads singe, X-class solar flare, I impinge Give you vegetation and life but don't get to close, I ain't your star gate, burn you up like Sunday's pot roast Like old fast food grease, and burnt onion rings, Don't worry about the two thousand in over rings aiight Consider me your most humble worker, I'm lookin' at you as I make your burger And when I punch out I'm up to nothin funny, Just at the gas station makin' the city money And when I'm next in line I'm in it to win it, Playin' the lotto dreamy eyed like I was Tony Bennett When I lose consolation rolls up in a minute, Toothless meth head offerin', mad clinic Some are better than the rest of us, Reaching Nirvana with tooth ferries gazing out windows at Pegasus More mobile than the rest of us, Takin' life by the jugular, the be the best of regular Back in the driver's seat Iggy be the passenger, concession stand delicacies for my scavengers Kicked outta Dawson's creek, darkness be a challenger, Poison Ivy still yields plans on my calendar Ebony and Ivory, Wonder and McCartney, They in the backseat We takin no briberies, shame you like Rwanda for takin the ivory outta the Elephant's teeth We playin musical chairs, And you still lose if the music stops even if your PR did not No kissin' fake derrieres, Cause we still choose what's cream of the crop even if your AR forgot To Hell with your trials and tribulations, You're flippin burgers go prep the station HAHAHAHAHAHAHA This here Hahahahaha... Two scratchers, Beef jerky, and a Power Ball
3.
Coat Check 02:48
You know when I saw that sensei walk up to that token brother and go “mercy is for the weak” I cringed I mean we do not train to be mercenary the man who confronts you he’s the enemy But the enemy deserves no mercy what is the problem Mr Laurence? Ok I’m just saying they made a fool out of you like Jerry Springers Maury Donahue Okra went free/Oprah Winfrey?? but I’m your father eat your veggies Catnip on gangrene rescue you up the trees don’t ask me what that means Have a drink speak easy To get into my bars you must first learn to parallel park your car Legitimate spas with aunties and saunas my regards Peter Peter pumpkin eater had a wife and couldn’t keep her Six eight beat and four four and he forgot to pay the meter Cyndi Lauper had too much wine Miles Davis time after time Just because the feline ain’t mine don’t mean I don’t know how to pet it MC Hammer pants and a wig, I still got it, I still got it Hey Shuguru left the club in state he flipped a coin and saw that he could not determine the fate Five more rules to break, nine more lives to fake, and if you play me with strategy its five more moves to make postulate Get your toe tray out and wait gonna feed you blue its on the menu with chicken fried steak, no cat fish fillet, no recess today, sit Indian Style, stay quiet with no board games to play, if I decide to film this, ducktape low-fi I’m about to kill this, I reside in realness you put bowties on your mental illness I mean what are you doing over here The glossy highs are supposed to say give me five on the real side Oh I’m the crack head with the nice new tennis shoes Ok I get what you mean buddy, deaded
4.
Frankie Beverages and Hayes Julian Ping Don’t try to play me like Vanilli and blame it on the rain Luther ‘van’tilloquist i’m one with the conspiracy theory the dogun don’t take me serious Don’t... hackem in the hackershackers We’re bringing cheeseburgers to banquets, we even brought blankets We heard it gets incestuous, so we tried to come prepared for this ‘Cause if shit gets funny I’m hitting the fence, sleepin’ at the next door residence Don’t... cheeseburgers for your Dobermans DJs catching sand in their sandals ‘cause I don’t shuck and jive enough for a guy rockin’ love handles The pairade on your pirate tube channel alluded critics and the has-been artists on the panels But it’s fine though I’m whippin’ it like Devo even with 230 views on Vevo Don’t... ever go pro
5.
15 Seconds 03:59
Yo, A1 sauce when you keep makin' mistakes, With an audacity to keep goals, better than Gordon Banks Copped a mendacity from being naked, swimmin' in shark tanks, Call it tenacity but we all know, somethin' stank an it ain't dank. Erotic smells in white paint, You can take it but I can't You can fake it shootin' blanks, I'm a pirate walkin' planks Learnin' lessons countin' blessins skip this ad in fifteen seconds A jaded fitting model that's had her day, Now walks around with Vitamin Water bottles filled with Chardonnay And it ain't even midday, Modern Day Ofay My heart got caught by default so you'll think it's the other way, Your so vain I bet you think this song is about you don't you Blueprint blue don't look good on you, Steely Dan i ain't a fan let the Haitian divorce run its course, Yeah man Tricks don't have treats, Malik be on beats, Sew that up, with a side order of Pig's feet Grow that butt, with a tripe order of chitlins meat She grow up, with a disorder cosmetic freak Butt shots on Dominican women meanwhile husband's cheatin' Pasteles con leche so she knows he's been creepin' Learnin' lessons countin blessins skip this ad in fifteen seconds (sample) Givin' me fake apologies fideen Try to teach me astrology fideen Playin me without strategy fideen Try to drown me with flatteries owp fideen Covet accessories fideen Trying to be my everything yup fideen Your way is the only way fideen Big Six over Six Tre fideen In the rain without a raincoat, cause the date cost me a house note It's a pain gotta stay woke, Does it mean I gotta stay broke More Soulful than a grace note, Roy Hargrove's my scapegoat I abhor what you did to my mentor, Robbin him like thugs in trench coats If you call a spade, Get ready for the ocean with a sailboat And if you do behave, Get ready for the tux on a steamboat I'm Pai Mei and I'm off, Gilding over the stage like Baryshnikov Bjork, Sawed Off
6.
Bobcat 11:07
Actually you know what, so that my chops don’t whirl?? Houston, North Houston That’s where I’m from, that’s where I was born and raised Even though I still reside in New York, for about 20 years now But we’re gonna get back to Houston real quick So one time, or once upon a time I should say There was this erm, lady. That lived down the street And she had found a litter of cats that lived next to her backyard ‘Cause you know we lived by the woods in the North Houston going towards Katy there’s a lot of wooded area At least there was when I was growin’ up And so err, she takes these litter of cats, I guess the mother abandoned them or went to do somethin’ And err, she nurses ‘em. They start to be able to see and err, you know at first they weren’t able to see. They were all blind And during that time she also met another cat A dude And this cat was err, he worked at NASA And err, you know he was a bit of a nerd So, courting after a while he came by the house saw the kittens By this time they had fur on them and everything and they were, you know, startin’ to look like cats He looked at ‘em. Started noticing how peculiar they were He told, ‘You know, these might not be domestic cats that you found’. And she was like, ‘Oh, really?’ So once they realised, you know, those weren’t domestic cats they pretty much err, only kept one of ‘em They called the cat Bobby... And Bobby was a good cat for the most part, for the most part Yeah Bobby would do things like, you know, kill things and bring ‘em to the door, you know, showing his love and affection for his masters And over time the neighbourhood started to like Bobby because Bobby knew not to mess with the domestic animals that the neighbours had Bobby was a peculiar one though Everybody knew that that was not a domestic cat His legs were getting a little too long Tail was a little too short Ears had these long things going on, ypu know on top of ‘em Little long strings of hair. One string of hair or whatever you wanna call it you know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout It’s a fucking Bobcat So err, well, the lady got pregnant And err, got married And err, you know, didn’t really care about Bobby too much. Plus Bobby was out a lot Starting to become... Bobby So err, they ended up having the baby, and Bobby just started showing a little bit more often after that And he would just stay in the corner and stare at everybody They didn’t understand why Bobby was acting that way but they didn’t care That was just Bobby’s way is what they thought Then he started bringing home domestic dogs from next door, you know the next door neighbours Started bringing home all kindsa stuff, that was not appropriate for Bobby to be bringing home Now this kinda started to alarm the couple, but they still left it alone Until one day they went to the grocery store Without the baby They left the baby in the cradle Oh yeah, Bobby was there too They were gone for about 20 minutes But when they got back What they saw

about

Elevator Music Vol. 1 marks the first in a three-part series of EPs to be released this year on Def Pressé.

This first package of songs including collabs with Open Mike Eagle and Iggy Pop.

You can expect some more interesting appearances as the tale unfolds.

Like Pan Am said, 'I do like to get weird. And it all seems to get weirder'.

credits

released March 15, 2019

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Pan Amsterdam New York, New York

When Pan Amsterdam washed up on the coast, he was wearing an oversized black velvet jacket with a cigarette burn, black jeans and two different coloured church socks. Further along the coast we found a trumpet case WITH a trumpet inside of it, in the case's side zipper there was a mouthpiece, valve oil for the horn, and a drive with tape on. Written on the tape were the words, "Elevator Music". ... more

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